Fallout Equestria: Wings 48

Got a Wacom tablet, so of course there's no drawing in this part
Criticism is STRONGLY encouraged!
This part takes place during FoE Chapter 35.
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*text*
Day 42

Took what I thought would be a short cut today, but wound up stopping to help a family caravan fend off some raiders. By the time I saw the caravan off I had lost what ever time this "short cut" saved me. Some days I just can't do anything right. Oh, and it's been raining ALL day!

I'm making these pages off the record, I'll be removing them before handing in this report. I just have so much stuff going on in my head that I have to write it down to sort any of it out.

Things were so much easier when I thought my talent was making bits from a bad situation. Like when my sire had a big argument with my dam then left and never came back. I wasn't too worried since I knew I would some how come by the bits necessary to support us. While still in school I managed to land a job as a mailpony at the O.W.L branch that my sire worked at (he left his job too). It was soon noticed that I had a knack of coming up with handy things or improving old ones, and in a few years I worked my way up to fill my sire's old R&D position.

Yet now I know that all must have been a coincidence or luck, since I had no such talent. Once the ideas I come up with in R&D leave the beta stage I don't normally hear if they are ever used in the field. So most likely the designs I make wind up being useless due to my real talent.

How can I go back to work knowing that now? There even a point to going back to the NCR? Most likely not, so I should go back due to my talent...

Another thing that my false talent made easier was relationships. Since every pony in the NCR is socially obligated to pair up with someone to cut resources, I saw it as another bad situation to get bits from. I looked for stallions in a position of power, but they’re rare for some reason, so I had to often settle for the sons of mares in power. They were all nice guys, often attractive, but I mostly just saw them as a means to an end. In the best cases we parted amiably, in the worst cases... well, I wind up here. But now that I know there's no point trying to marry into power, it leaves me just more confused and lost.

Before I would not have even considered someone like him. He's in no position of power and no family to speak of. Yet now he's a possibility, and part of my brain has latched on to that and won't stop thinking about him. Yet the same part keeps flooding me with idiotic questions a teen colt would ask. What if he's not interested in me? What if he's not interested in stallions? What if he's not interested in ponies?

I was never like this even when I was a teen colt! Back then I was trying to marry into the top of the longhorn tribe. What's wrong with me?!